


To Die For Nothing

by Kearatheshadow



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Canonical Character Death, Multi, Polyamory, Reincarnation, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2014-11-02
Packaged: 2018-02-23 22:33:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2558129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kearatheshadow/pseuds/Kearatheshadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Zipline dipped downwards, picking up speed and Marco skimmed the black tree tops, the mountain looming closer. He was flying. If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel himself flying on his own power, darting through the trees wildly, defying everything to get to the highest place he could. But he couldn’t close his eyes, because this was real, and he didn’t want to lose himself in what-ifs. He wanted to feel with every sense, even sight.</p><p>He wanted to remember this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Die For Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> *Please note: The Setting of Trost and the Survey Corps camp is a bullshit mix of Germany and Montana where the drinking age is 18, there are mountains everywhere and you sell your soul to pay for a higher education. All parties are adults and are of legal age.  
> **I am also not in a polyamorus relationship, but want to promote a healthy and safe relationship and if there are any inaccuracies or dubious concerns that concerns you please contact me and let me know.  
> ***I have no idea how zip lines or adventure parks work, Google can only take me so far. I am sorry.

**Marco**

Marco slumped in his chair, forehead coming down to rest on the front desk. The infamous ancient wheely chair groaned in protest and Marco groaned with it, debating how long he could nap there before the hectic morning groups showed up with their screaming children, sleep deprived parents and pretentious rich clients demanding to know why they can’t go white water rafting in 300 dollar flip flops.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and Marco dug it out, smiling when he saw it was Jean. Out of his three roommates, Eren was the only morning person and Jean was probably texting him to complain—even though Levi had a strict no texting policy during work. He rubbed his forehead absently, and wondered how uncomfortable sleeping on the desk would be.

**Jean: Erybody get ur butts down to maria after work**

**Armin: Right after the closing shift or after the monthly meeting?**

Marco blinked at how fast Armin responded. He must not be the only one bored. He was typing out a response when he was interrupted.

**Eren: After. Im not missing out on the big guys payin 4 our food**

**Ymir: You sound like Sasha.**

**Sasha: Hey! But yeah I agree w/ Eren. I heard they’re getting us Chinese food**

**Annie: That’s the only way they’ll get us to suffer through interdepartmental meetings.**

**Jean: Ya ya its better after dark anyway**

**Mikasa: If this is another half-decayed deer corpse that you guys found in the woods…**

**Eren: NO its smth much coolr**

So Eren was in on it too. It was the first Marco had heard of this plan, and he lived with the two of them. They couldn’t keep secrets if their lives depended on it. He watched the string of texts with interest.

**Connie: Like me?**

**Mikasa: Somehow I doubt they would bring us to Maria just so you can pop up out of a box.**

**Armin: Actually no that wouldn't surprise me.**

**Reiner: Is it an orgy.**

**Krista: I vote a box of Connie. Probably safer than what’s planned.**

**Ymir: We doin a drug deal.**

**Reiner: gay drug deal**

**Bert: Reiner please stop.**

**Reiner: Y not we’re all single losers**

**Ymir: nah you’re the only loser here frat boy**

**Krista: you’ll be single too if you don’t be nice Ymir.**

**Ymir: srry babe**

**Annie: Are we walking up to Maria?**

**Jean: Ya, we’ll drop u back off in the parkin lot**

**Eren: we got this**

**Connie: U2 working together? Lord have mercy I think the sky is falling**

**Ymir: Gayyyyyyyyy**

**Eren: Says the lesbo**

**Ymir: Says the twink**

**Connie: Yeah, and that’s gonna go as well as train wreck and dynamite**

**Jean: Fuck off Connie**

**Sasha: You can never escape the truth Jeanbo.**

**Reiner: gAYYYYYYYy**

**Bert: Reiner Please.**

Marco jumped when a door slammed in the next building over and he decided to intervene with his own brand of concerned chaos.

**Marco: Guys! Come on don’t text during work, Levi will kill you.**

**Marco: But considering how desperately queer and single we all are I also will not rule out their secret desire to fuck everyone.**

**Jean: MARCO.**

**Connie: OHHHHH YOU’VE BEEN CALLED OUT SON.**

**Eren: mARCO NOT HELPING**

**Bert: Don’t do it Reiner**

**Bert: Reiner I’m warning you**

**Annie: gay**

**Sasha: well that was a plot twist**

**Armin: this is Levi.**

Marco stiffed, and he was pretty sure everyone on the mountain froze in collective horror. _Rest in Peace Armin._

**Armin: I don’t care what you little shits do in your spare time but you’re on the clock.**

**Armin: If this phone buzzes one more time I’m hanging you all upside down from the zip line til you crap all over yourselves.**

**Armin: And someone convince blondie here I’m not gonna fire him before he faints.**

Marco paled considerably; looking up as Jean came running into the lobby. The other man skidded as he turned sharply to dive behind the desk next to him. Marco checked to see if the area was safe before smiling and pocketing his phone smugly. “Told ya he’d get mad.”

“Screw you Marco you were just as bad.”

“I thought we had already talked about you wanting that.” Jean made a short snarl and reached up to whack Marco on the knee, still out of breath from sprinting to his hiding place. “Will you all stop insinuating Eren and I are that thirsty and desperate? Who’d want your ugly asses anyway?”

Marco snickered. “I dunno. Maybe you should just ask yourself why you stare at Eren’s ass if you think it’s ugly?”

Jean sent him a knowing look back. “Well how would you know it’s nice if you weren’t staring?”

Marco just grinned, faint blush creeping up to spread over his freckles. Years of shared dorms, locker rooms, skinny dipping and discovering similar sexualities during summer camp had beat out any and all embarrassment about boundaries and nudity from their friend group. “Well I never said I wasn’t, everyone and their mom knows it’s nice. We were talking about you and this supposed orgy.”

Krista walked in at that moment, coming by to peer over the counter, already suited up in her harness. She gestured to the door. “Please get your minds out of the gutter boys. We have a huge family group coming in.”

Jean groaned when he saw the number on the clipboard she handed him. “22. 18 of them minors. 18 little monsters and 18 chances to get sued.”

Marco shook his head grimly, giving a forlorn glance at the desk that looked a lot more comfortable now. “Thanks anyway Krista. You’re the best.” She waved her hand dismissively as she walked away towards the buses. “Remember that next time you see Ymir will you?”

And so the day began.

The Survey Corps Outdoor Adventure Park wasn’t that big honestly. It was small, cramped and horribly unfunded. Run by four strange misfits and their equally strange younger staff that were campers themselves all of two years ago, together they ran the park all by themselves, cleaned it, took care of it and made sure it was still on the map. The Camp got a healthy amount of customers and free labor during the summer, and in the spring and fall, the other activities were booked.

So Marco had to admit the pay minus the room and board was decent enough, and occasionally they made a big enough profit to splurge—like they were doing now, dining on inappropriate amounts of Chinese food in their cozy lobby, going over each other’s new ideas for the park.

It was the beginning of the summer season, but most of the younger crowd had been here since they went to a month long summer camp here years ago. Building enough experience got them jobs when they were sixteen and that had set the future. They had shot through the ranks, straight from camp counselors to employees since Erwin—the head honcho—sent his best to the other side of the country to open a second Survey Corps.

But now, college was looming with the fall, and it would be the second year of a higher education for some, and while Marco was confident he could be content here, he knew that his friends wouldn’t be. Trost University was two hours away on a bad day, but it felt like a world away with a good portion of his friends itching to move and find a better future.

He consoled himself that he had at least this one hot summer with his friends, all now legal adults and still reckless kids at the same time.

The other bonus is that he’d always have a guaranteed job with Petra, Auruo, Erd and Gunther all the way on the other side of the country, building up a second camp. With a nearly year round arsenal of offered activities from Zip Lining to Parkour lessons, and a soon-to-be-short staff, Marco would never be idle.

Sometimes Marco wish that he would be though—then he would have a vacation.

“Listen up you little shits.” Levi’s voice cracked like a whip, getting everyone to flinch and nearly stand at attention.

Erwin nodded gratefully to his co-worker and shuffled his papers to collect his thoughts. “I believe we were discussing the possibilities of a new Line?”

“Yes we were,” Mike replied with a knowing smile, twirling his pen in his fingers, “but I rather liked when we were discussing the possibilities of getting a hot tub in the employee’s only section.”

As his smile had predicted, chaos reigned once more over where said hot tub should be and who took the last spring roll. Marco glanced at his superiors and smiled sympathetically at the way Erwin’s eyebrows creased together in a way that suggested he was physically pained.

Levi drank his tea quietly and it seemed that his displeasure of meetings won out over pleasing his boss. Hanji discreetly highfived Mike behind Erwin’s back.

Marco zeroed in on Eren though when he leaned towards Levi sheepishly. “Oh, and by the way sir, we’re sorry for texting during work this morning. It won’t happen again.” Marco winced at the topic, but understood Eren’s sense of honor and honesty—even if he didn’t _quite_ agree with it.

Levi set his teacup down slowly, the scowl never moving from his face. The room suddenly got very cold, and sensing this, his friends suddenly became very quiet. “I’m not going to tear each of you a new asshole by pretending I never heard that.”

Eren let out a little gasp and everyone involved turned to stare down Armin. The blonde shrugged, blushing but unashamed. “I had to find some way to get you to stop before you got caught. Pretending to be Levi seemed easiest.”

The dots were connected and there was a loud chorus of halfhearted groans, as no one could ever really be mad at Armin, but spring rolls and soy sauce packets may have been thrown in retribution.

Connie snorted. “You freaked me out dude—I am never trusting your big blue eyes again.”

Mikasa raised her chopsticks to point them accusingly at Connie. “It was your fault for underestimating Armin in the first place.”

It was close to nine by the time the pseudo-meeting ended, the few surviving leftovers packed up and claimed.

The main building was lucky enough that only the white water rafters had to take a bus to get to their destination; 30 acres of Erwin Smith’s inherited land made it perfect so that dozens of hiking trails split off from the main building, parking lot and dorms that lay nestled high up on the side of the mountain.

One of these particular roped off trails led _up_ , even higher up the steep slope, curving up to the opposite face of the mountain. It led to what was affectionately called Maria: a large clearing that opened up to stare off at the rest of the mountain range and the untouched valley below. It was surrounded by woods, the meadow almost a perfect circle, the trail hugging the rock face.

Where the cliff was, was once a six foot tall stone wall built by the first owners—a wealthy rancher and his wife Maria-Rose. However, after decades of neglect and one drunken punch from Reiner, the wall has now crumbled, caving in down the middle to give everyone a half decent view of the valley.

Jean and Eren led the way, the path familiar and worn out from its many uses of dragging coolers up the slope.

Marco trailed close behind, wondering exactly why they didn’t tell him about this plan of theirs. If Marco has learned anything by bunking with them, it’s that they were both shitty liars and rarely kept anything from him. Marco felt—well hurt, in all honestly, that they didn’t include him in their plans for once. He tried to make them out in the darkness, watch the way they walked close together—and then knocking each other off the trail like they were 15 years old again.

When they were almost there, Eren turned around and walked backwards, absently flipping off Jean’s “Suicidal bastard.”

He swung his arm around to gesture to the clearing as their group crested the top of the trail. “You guys ready?”

“Oh my god”

“Whoa”

“Hell fucking yeah.” The last one was Reiner, and Marco had to agree.

Held over their heads was the biggest zipline Marco had ever seen. From what he could make out in the darkness, the black line was embedded in the rock of the mountain, the harness hanging down from that point. Two lengths of rope held the line for extra support, attached to trees on either side of the clearing. The zipline was hard to see after that, stretching through the crumbled hole in the old wall Maria, and out into the open darkness.

Eren practically beamed with pride and Jean scuffed his feet in the dirt, shrugging like it was just something they rigged up in their cousin’s backyard.

“Eren’s gonna go first and be there at the bottom. I’m gonna go last and make sure everything’s all set.”

Armin piped up. “How did you get the other end of the line across the valley?”

Eren rubbed the back of his head, and shrugged. “Uh… Basically Jean was here and I was there and we shouted at each other over walkie talkies. Jean used his huge remote controlled helicopter to carry this lighter rope across to me. And the rope is attached to the line. Then we hooked up the rope to the harness instead and stuck it in the ground so we could always pull the harness back here for the next person.”

Annie whistled low in appreciation for their ingenuity. “How far does it go?”

“Miles.” Jean bragged, smiling for the first time. “Or shorter, about half a mile at most, but it’s definitely long enough to stretch to the next mountain. It’s so cool, but we checked and it’s still legal, very edge of the property. Well not legal to be used for profit but Eren and I even tried it. We got the van down there to drive everyone back. We just stuck bikes in it this morning so once we were done we could ride back to work.”

Marco grimaced. The “van” was the ugly brown hunk of metal that at one point might have been a van, but in between the poor dirt roads, too many people in it and that one fight with an elk where the elk had won—it was a poor excuse for an automobile now. The possibility of the brakes failing didn’t seem to faze anyone else though.

Connie’s hand was up in a flash. “Can I do tricks?”

At that Jean rolled his eyes. “We’re professionals numbskull, do whatever you want.”

Eren walked over to the harness and put it on, reaching up to pull on the little bit of leather hanging near his head. “We don’t have gloves so this is our makeshift hand brake, like a cross between a Brake Hawk and a glove. Just be careful.”

Eren waved his walkie talkie at Jean, saluted everyone, and with a mighty whoop he awkwardly sprinted out of the clearing on his toes, and used Maria to catapult himself into the void. “See you on the other side!”

Reiner let out an echoing whoop, and turned on Jean. “I call going next!” He grinned at them and waved his hand in the air. “Three broken fingers and a scar to get that wall down. Totally worth it.”

Ymir snorted quietly to Marco’s right. “It wasn’t and you know it.”

Marco held back and watched as each of his friends descended. This was what each of them lived for—the adrenaline and adventure that came with the outdoors. Sometimes the same course over and over again wasn’t enough, and this wasn’t the first time someone created a makeshift Zipline a little more extreme—but it was the first to be so long and complex. Marco was confident no one had ever done something this dangerous before, but that only made it more tempting to try.

Jean’s walkie talkie cackled on his hip, signaling that Krista was on the other side and it was alright to pull the harness back up. Marco watched Jean as he worked, pale skin shining with sweat in the lantern’s glow, bare arms exposed to the cool night air. Beyond the crumbling wall, Marco could see the trillions of stars dotting the night sky. It was the perfect night, and his friends had really outdone themselves.

For the first time in years, Marco felt lonely.

He hadn’t dated anyone in high school. It was just how it was: he didn’t _need_ sex, and nearly everything else was supplied by his friends. There were cabins lined up in a row for summer camp and Eren, Marco and Jean had shared one since they were 13. (Eren felt bad that he and Armin could bunk together but Mikasa couldn’t after the three of them had been around each other for so long. He insisted Armin and him sleep separately so she wouldn’t feel excluded.)

Being so far away from anyone but clients and the nearest grocery store seemed to shrink the dating pool further and no one else ever dated either. He had that consolation that he wasn’t the only one; when all his friends in school were getting together, he and his co-workers stayed in their strange little bubble. Ymir and Krista only started dating a month ago. And even with those two, Jean, Annie and Armin (with alot of convincing from Eren and Mikasa) at college, from what Jean had said, no one had really even made new friends.

He did know how to feel about that.

Yet, it was like Marco was trapped in his own little bubble, seeing exactly what he wanted but fearing what would happen if he pressed forward and broke his safe little existence—if he made things even more complicated with Jean and Eren than it already was.

It was never _talked_ about, but over time and that one game of truth or dare in sophomore year that was basically a coming out party, personal space for the three of them just sort of evaporated. The cuddles and hand holding and hair petting and just general comforting closeness—it just happened and no one complained. Marco felt like someone _should_ complain about the occasional _totally platonic_ butt touches but it certainly wasn’t going to be him.

But staring at Jean, watching in the lanterns glow, hearing Eren’s voice over the scratchy old walkie talkie—he wanted more. He wanted something official, something real, and he wanted both of them, had feelings for both of them. Marco hated this building, morphing _mess_ of feelings and apparent loneliness.

The grind of the harness coming back up the line jarred Marco back into focus, and he walked over to Jean who was holding the harness with a grin. “Looks like it’s just you and me, freckles.”

“Are you ever going to stop calling me that?”

“Nope.” Jean popped the end of the word obnoxiously.

Marco slipped on the harness with practiced ease, and balanced on his toes, not letting himself move quite yet.

“You two did an amazing job with this. Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped.” It was sharp and quick, blurted out impulsively, his previous train of thought betraying him and he snapped his jaw shut, a little mortified at his accusatory tone.

The look on Jean’s face was hard to see in the dark, but it seemed like he flashed Marco a small rare smile. “You’re always talking about flying. We’d thought we’d surprise you and give you the real thing—or as close as anyone ever can.”

Marco felt Jean push him forward a few feet and Marco twisted around, trying to dig his heels into the dirt. “Wait! This was all for me?”

Jean chuckled softly from behind him, oddly gentle, the hand still pushing him closer to the edge. Marco got the edge of the hole in Maria and grabbed the wall with both arms and braced his feet on the stone lip, keeping himself from being flung off into the night.

He turned to glare over his shoulder, affection and nerves colliding with his insecurities. The cold air felt heavy in his lungs. “Tell me, Jean.”

Suddenly, the hand in the middle of his shoulders slid down and squeezed his ass. Marco jumped and instinctively let go of the wall to reach down and swat the other man’s hand away. Jean’s grin was quick and dirty in the low light, and then Marco was being pushed through the hole in the wall and off the cliff’s edge.

The wind rushed past his ears, and mind numbing adrenaline had Marco high as a kite, the first big leap out into the void stealing all breath from his lungs. He was weightless, small against the gigantic starry sky and there was nothing to think about at all. Every insecurity, every worry and thought that kept him up at night staring at the ceiling vanished.

He could do nothing but stare in awe as the inky black trees spread out in an ocean below him, the moon hanging low in the sky next to the jagged black hole that was the mountain he was headed for. The wind whipped against his face and his eyes watered in the thin air but he wouldn’t dare close them. He’d never gone this far, been this high or this fast. It was addictive, this innocent adrenaline rush that made their jobs bearable and Marco felt so damn _alive_. He was _free_ , up here alone in the air.

The zipline dipped downwards, picking up speed and Marco skimmed the black tree tops, the mountain looming closer. He was _flying_.

If he closed his eyes, he could almost feel himself flying on his own power, darting through the trees wildly, defying everything to get to the highest place he could.

But he couldn’t close his eyes, because this was real, and he didn’t want to lose himself in what-ifs. He wanted to _feel_ with every sense, even sight.

He wanted to remember this.

Marco felt something deep in his chest bubbling up and he tried to laugh but he couldn’t seem to find the air to breathe. He blinked and images flashed behind his eyes, endless dark trees and the whir of a motor that he didn’t recognize. He was forced to squeeze his eyes shut, a sudden splitting headache behind them that threatened to be a full-fledged migraine—the ache in his chest plummeting down as something so amazing turned foreign and utterly _wrong._

_“Marco!”_

Marco snapped his head up and let out a silent scream, yanking on the leather strap, hearing the uncomfortable grind of metal as the mountain came closer, too fast for him to do anything. The edge of the clearing flew by him, Eren yelling into the walkie-talkie. All the while images flashed in his brain, vague fuzzy images of trees and sky and flying.

He had slowed down, but not enough to stop the impact, helpless and at the mercy of his own momentum. Marco turned and braced himself, tucking his chin as his right shoulder hit the rock with sickening _thud._

Spots danced in the black of his eyes, as a pained groan escaped him. He felt hands, too many hands getting him out of the harness and jostled his arm. He pulled away with a hiss felt a sudden burst of nausea from moving his head. 

“…dislocated.”

“He’s lucky it isn’t broken.”

Marco felt gentle hands on his face— _friends, trees, rain, flying_ —and tried to remember how to breathe through the pain. It was his _head_ that hurt the most, the unbearable throbbing in time with his beating heart, and he sucked in a breath only to let it out in a dry sob. He was shaking.

“Marco can you hear me?” Eren. Eren was trying to uncurl Marco’s fingers from where they were balled in a tight fist. He moaned again, the headache increasing in intensity and squeezed Eren’s fingers.

He heard Annie’s voice from his right, soft and firm. It sounded like an apology.

“This is going to hurt.”

Small hands gripped his arm and shoved his shoulder back into place.Marco screamed.

He felt like he was dying, a raw burning fire spreading across his right side and he was he was dying, a part of him being ripped away as he was flying, adrenaline and fear and sweat mingling with blood and pain.

His headache was gone, and he was small, in a field he didn’t remember. Sitting in front of the bakery with a little black cat. Being taught how to read by his mother in their kitchen. Exploring the barn, helping his father feed the animals, watching over his younger siblings. Getting the newspaper about the— _the Titans._

Marco pitched forward, shaking, staring at the grass in the clearing and hearing his own labored breaths. The migraine threatened to come back and he focused on the pain, hoping it might ground him, but I only seemed to make it worse.

Images flashed before him, farming, famine wracked bodies, panicked preachers and sobbing mothers and young familiar soldiers training day after day. Titans, fear, battle, blood.

Death.

He had died hadn’t he? Somehow? At 15 years old in some demented nightmare. It wasn’t real. At 15 he was stressing over his failed French final and being shipped off to the Survey Summer Camp again.

But they fit right in with his own memories, right up until 15 where Marco’s life was perfectly normal and not entwined in a nightmare.

Because he died. He died and there was nothing left for him there and _who else died like me_ —

A small pale hand came flying up and slapped him across the face, successfully knocking him back into his familiar _safe_ reality. “Annie!?”

She took his face in both hands and stared at him in the strict medical once over she was famous for whenever someone got hurt. Calculating, machine-like, but never cold.

He took as deep breathes as he could, and realized he had his back to the mountain, resting against it. Eren had moved to his right side, bandaging up the scrapes and bruises on his arm with the practiced ease of a doctor’s son. There were tears in his eyes.

Jean had taken Eren’s place at one point – _how long has it been?_ —squeezing the life out of Marco’s fingers and no doubt blaming himself. The buzz of crickets had returned, his friends concerned stares a few yards away hammering home the sudden absurd _silence._

Annie’s expression didn’t change, but her voice did, now just a murmur, meant for his ears only. “I told you it would hurt.”

Marco felt like crying. _You have no idea._


End file.
